11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
