Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm at about main and main street
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
