im gay
i know
yea but for you.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
