I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
