I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
