FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
