There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
