I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
