TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
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