That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
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Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
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Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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