remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
