I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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