Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
