i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
