The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
