can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
