i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
