Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
