If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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