I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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