You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize