i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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