Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
