i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
