You're so nebulous sometimes
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
