weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
