Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
