Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
