You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
