Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
