It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
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Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
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He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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