the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
then he tried to convert me to islam
So squirting runs in the family.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
