he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
