i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Found your dick twin last night
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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