I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
