Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
