Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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