my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
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I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
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Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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