so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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