Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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