I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
