I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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