dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
