In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
