i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
