you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
