FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
