i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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