not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
