Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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