I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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