My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
