i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
