So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
