I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
