you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you traded sex for a burrito?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
