I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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