just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
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too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
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Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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