she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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