is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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