haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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