I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
