Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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