Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Are my feet made of real feet?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
