I am puke
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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