apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize