Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You should frame my arrest warrant.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
