thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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