So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
