There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
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